Carrying your girlfriend's coffee to the table apparently counts as controversial behavior now. One college student found himself at the center of an unexpected debate after sharing on Reddit that his friends constantly mock him for showing basic kindness to his girlfriend of three years.
The treatment isn't subtle, either. From buying birthday gifts to picking up the tab at restaurants, he says his friends have labeled him a pushover and suggested he's "not man enough" for showing affection. The word "simp" gets thrown around so frequently, it's started to wear him down.
Here's how he explained it: "By their definition, me getting her food, gifts or cute things I randomly come across to buy her, having frequent dates and taking care of her is apparently a 'simp mentality.' Like, wtf does that even mean? So now I can't even treat my gf to the bare minimum?"
When Strangers Join the Chorus
The breaking point happened during a recent date. He brought food and coffee to their table while his girlfriend was on her phone, and a nearby group of guys his age made sure he heard them: "Bro, such a simp."
"I don't even know these guys," he said. "Like WTF, leave me alone. I hate the word 'simp' so much."
His friends have also warned him not to spend too much money on someone unless he's "100% committed," implying he'll regret the spending later. But for him, treating someone he loves isn't transactional. "I know my gf can get her OWN food with her OWN money but why tf does it matter if I do it for her instead? I'm not her pet or slave or anything. I just like treating her… she barely asks me for anything and I don't mind even if she does."
Addressing the Doormat Question
After posting, he added an edit to address commenters who wondered if the relationship was one-sided. "Edit since some people are saying I'm a doormat and asking if my gf treats me the same," he wrote. His answer? She treats him better than he treats her.
He described how she regularly buys him clothes, packs his lunches, and sneaks in early payments at restaurants when she knows he'll try to cover the bill. "On times we don't buy, she cooks for me those lunch boxes or some cute-looking snacks. She's actually good at it unlike me."
She also became his closest support system during a difficult period involving his father. In his view, buying her things isn't a sacrifice or grand gesture. "Buying her stuff is nothing because it's my way of offering some thank-yous here and some love-yous there," he wrote. "I don't consider it a big deal."
The Real Cost of Modern Relationships
That "nothing" does have a price tag, though. According to the 2025 CouponPl Relationship Spending Poll, the average American spends $6,138 per year on their relationship. Of that, $5,579 goes toward dates and activities, with another $559 spent on gifts. And that doesn't include spontaneous weekend trips or bigger surprises.
While some couples split everything down the middle, only 28.8% of heterosexual couples actually divide costs 50/50. That suggests in most relationships, one partner carries more of the financial load. The same survey found that 53.7% of people feel financially stressed about relationship spending, even though generosity is widely viewed as a sign of commitment.
Reddit Weighs In
The comments section rallied behind him. "You can't be a simp for your girlfriend, by definition. If you're simping, the girl ain't yours," one user wrote. Another clarified: "Simping is buying her a car while you live in the friend zone. What you have sounds like an actual, healthy relationship."
A married commenter offered perspective from decades of experience: "I've been married 36 years. I still bring her home food or cute things. If I'm a simp for doing this, so be it… she is my everything."
Others questioned the quality of his friendships. "There are men who take responsibility for their relationships and men who feel entitled," one reply read. "People are calling you a simp to justify their lack of meaningful relationships."
One final comment summed up the prevailing sentiment: "You're not a doormat. You're just showing up for your relationship the way a good partner should."
In the end, this isn't really about coffee or who picks up the tab. It's about whether generosity in a relationship signals weakness or strength, and whether the internet's favorite insults have any bearing on what actually makes a relationship work. For this guy and his girlfriend, the answer seems pretty clear.
