Here's an interesting paradox: Most parents with significant savings have done the responsible thing and created an estate plan. But then they refuse to tell their kids about it. According to Fidelity's latest Family & Finance study, seven in 10 parents over age 55 with at least $500,000 saved have created a will or estate plan. Yet 68% of those same parents haven't shared any details with their adult children about what they'll eventually inherit.

The Readiness Gap Nobody's Talking About

Why the secrecy? The study uncovered a striking disconnect in perception. About 95% of adult children say they feel prepared to manage inherited wealth. Parents? Only one in four actually believes that. So it's not necessarily about trust in character, it's about confidence in financial capability. Parents look at their kids and think, "You're wonderful, but can you handle a six-figure windfall?"

Then there's the emotional side. Conversations about death, money and future responsibilities feel heavy and awkward. Some parents worry about creating tension between siblings if the distribution isn't equal or seems unfair. Others genuinely don't know how to start the conversation without making things weird at Thanksgiving dinner.

"As people get older – especially past 70 – they often become less willing to talk about things like estate planning, long-term care, or how their family can be involved in planning and decision-making," said Timothy Habbershon, managing director and founder of the Fidelity Center for Family Engagement.

Why Silence Makes Things Worse

Here's the thing: avoiding the conversation doesn't make it easier. It makes it harder. When expectations aren't clearly communicated, adult children fill in the blanks themselves. They make assumptions about what they'll inherit, when they'll inherit it and how it'll be divided. Those assumptions, even when everyone has good intentions, can lead to confusion, disappointment and family conflict down the line.

The irony is that parents create estate plans specifically to avoid chaos and ensure their wishes are followed. But without communication, the plan becomes a mystery box that only gets opened during an already difficult time.

How to Actually Have This Conversation

If you're a parent with an estate plan gathering dust in a filing cabinet, you don't need to host a formal presentation. Just make sure your kids know the basics: where your important documents are stored, who's responsible for what roles, what your general plans look like and how you want key decisions handled if you're unable to make them yourself.

If you're an adult child trying to broach the subject without sounding like you're counting your inheritance, focus on logistics rather than dollar amounts. Try questions like: Where should we look if we ever need to access your important documents? Is there anything you want us to know about your wishes? Are there any responsibilities you'd want me to take on, so we're prepared ahead of time?

Creating an estate plan is only step one. Making sure the people involved actually understand it is just as important. So whether you're the parent or the child in this equation, start the conversation. It might feel awkward for 10 minutes, but it could save your family from months of confusion and conflict later.